"It was for freedom that Christ set us free."

I wrote this in July 2005 and it was read to women in Romania by members of IBC on a mission trip there:

"In Beth Moore’s book Breaking Free she talks about hearts broken by abuse, hearts broken by death and hearts broken by betrayal. Yes, my heart has been broken - I have experienced all three – abuse, death and betrayal. But, as God has said in His Word, He has “caused them all to work together for my good.”

God blessed me with a godly line of women in my family – especially my grandmother, great-aunts, granny, mother and other ladies in our church - I call them my “women of faith,” who knew and loved the Lord, who taught me about Jesus and PRAYED for me. Because of their influence and their prayers, I was saved at five years old and grew up in the church. And, I know their continued prayers kept me all the years that have followed.


My father didn’t want me and wanted my mother to have an abortion. But God was in control – He chose me before the foundation of the world and knit me in my mother’s womb and reached down His mighty right hand and saved me.


I had an angry, abusive father. He was a rage-aholic. He was very unpredictable in his moods and it was like “walking on eggshells” in our house. He hollered and hit my mother and the police were always being called to our house. He even once loaded his hunting rifle and threatened to kill us. So, I grew up with a lot of fear and insecurity; to me the world could be a very unsafe place and those who were supposed to love and protect you, didn’t always. I always wanted my father’s love and approval, but it was something I never received. Because of that, I developed a lot of false beliefs about my worth and my value as a woman. And, that, in turn, made me think that I deserved to be treated badly by a man. It was all I knew. And, that also influenced the way I perceived my Heavenly Father – for many years, I saw Him as a God who was angry and a God who I needed to try and please to win His approval and affection.

I was an only child. When I was thirteen years old, my mother died very unexpectedly from a brain hemorrhage. My world was shattered. I was very close to my mother and because of the emotional, verbal and physical abuse that went on from my father towards my mother and me, she was my “rock,” and my security. When she died, I remember just sitting on my bed, rocking back and forth, and thinking, “what am I going to do?” What am I going to do?” It was at that time that God gave me Romans 8:28 and that verse helped get me through some very difficult times. However, I was just a little girl struggling to survive in an unhealthy situation and so I developed more unhealthy patterns of thinking and behaving. I developed false beliefs such as: you can’t trust anyone, that everyone always leaves you, and that you have to take care of yourself. I learned that when my father went into a rage, I could manipulate him by saying I was sorry even if I hadn’t done anything wrong. Or, at other, times I could manipulate him through humor. I had the gift of writing and I would write funny poems that would make him laugh and calm him down. Because I was a child and thought like a child, tho, deep inside, I believed something was wrong with me, not him. And, that I must be unlovable.
In the years that followed, I finished high school and college, had a career, and eventually married. My husband and I were married 31 years and have a precious daughter together who is now 26. Just 4 years ago, my husband became involved with another young woman and divorced me a year ago to marry her. To say my world came crashing down around me doesn’t even begin to describe the betrayal and hurt I experienced. When I had been asked by my Christian counselor a year earlier, “what’s the worst thing that could happen?” I had responded “that my husband would die or leave me.”

I was devastated. My fear of abandonment surfaced along with all those feelings of “it’s my fault,” “I am unlovable,” “see, you can’t trust anyone,” “everyone always leaves you.”

During this devastating time, I became involved in my church’s support group ministry. I began to really study and search God’s Word. I cried out to God, and just like He promises, “ He heard my cry.” He began to do a work in my life that can only be described as miraculous.

Slowly, He began the process of changing my thoughts through the truth of His Word (Romans 12:2“to be transformed by the renewing of our mind.”)

He used the betrayal and hurt of the loss of my marriage to work through all lies Satan had been telling me all of my life – that I was unlovable, etc. He caused it all to work together for good and heal the hurts from my past. I feel finally free. (Gal 5:1 – “it was for freedom that Christ set us free…”)

He has healed my broken heart - (.Psalm 147:3 - “He heals the brokenhearted and binds u p their wounds”)

I have learned that God is in control, not me (Psalm 31:15 –“ My times are in His hands.”)

He began to show me in His Word that He loves me so much . HE chose ME! I am loveable. I can trust Him totally. His promises are true and His Word never fails. His mercies are new every morning.

He will never leave me or forsake me! He is my Father and He is my Husband.

He has provided for me and protected me.

He has sent so many wonderful, Christian ladies into my life as friends to walk along side of me and encourage me.

He has given me that “peace that passes understanding.” I used to be afraid to stay by myself but God gave me a verse “I will lie down in peace and sleep for Thou Lord maketh me to dwell in safety,” and I have lived alone for 3 years and sleep like a baby. Only God could do this!
I could go on and on, but I want to encourage each of you by telling you that no matter what you may be going through, Jesus has walked it before you and He is there to walk it with you now. He loves you so much. I would encourage you to spend time with him in the Word and in prayer everyday. Cry out to Him, and He will answer you. "